**Warning** those who don't want to read a sappy, depressing, "wow this chick is ridiculous" blog, quit reading and read a previous blog...
My last blog was about how my life as become SO grown up TOO fast. It's the weirdest feeling. I haven't had a true panic attack in a while. Until tonight. Ughh it was AWFUL! I didn't have just one either... that's what is the worst about it.
First, my mom tells me I have yet another thing to pay for... awesome. My entire first paycheck is already gone and it hasn't even hit my bank account yet. How come I can't go out an reward myself with a sweet purse, or a pair of jeans or something fun? Like a Friday night out with my boyfriend... Nope. I'm paying bills. That's fricken great. No fun for Noelle. Just get to sit at home and watch my credit card bills pile up. Awesome! Not like I have been having fun or anything recently. Nope!! I've been sitting at home reading or watching DVRed shows. If I'm making such awesome money, why do I feel MORE broke than I did when I was a student...!? this is fricken awesome.
Then, my cat that I got in fourth grade (I just finished "sixteenth grade" so he's old, do the math) is most likely going to be put down in the coming week. Great! The one being I want to be around right now (next to Ryan) is no longer going to be walking around this planet and existing this time next weekend. Could it get much worse?
Yup! It could!! I want to move out SOO bad because I feel like it's impossible to make friends when you live in sleepy AG and especially when you live at home. And I hate the fact that I graduated early to move home... it sucks! But my social anxiety is preventing me from seriously looking because I just want to live with people I know... my first choice is Ryan, but that's not going to happen until I have a ring on my finger (parent rules). Oh and the fact I'm flat broke doesn't help either... ughh!!
I am fortunate to have this wonderful job with and amazing company, but it's like one of the only things going for me right now. I do have an amazing boyfriend who loves me very much, but he's in school in Santa Barbara Sunday-Friday and it sucks. I just want to have someone comfort me when I'm having panic attacks and though text messages are great, they aren't the same.
My dreams for 2009 would include:- Move out
- Get a puppy
- Pay off my car
- Get my student loans under control
- Save as much money as possible
- Take a vacay with my love, Ryan
- Get engaged/married... 09/09/2009 anyone? haha :o)
And
SO much more... I just
need a change in my life.
Right now my cat is locked in the bathroom and probably so confused as to why he's locked away and not

allowed to sleep on a comfy bed and is being forced to sleep on the hard, cold linoleum floor. I want to be able to talk to him and tell him to stop trying to pee everywhere. Those who have cats know that that's when they have completely lost it and when it's typically time to put them down. I can't handle the thoughts of not having my cat around. I saved him when I was in fourth grade from the bushes behind our house. Every since he could fit into one hand, and then he got to the mid-twenties in weight and then now he's real skinny and really confused all the time. When I plucked him from the bushes, he was the one that wasn't scared of this unknown giant peaking her head in the bushes and I also thought he was gray. When we took him to the vet, and he got a flea bath, he was pure white. I'll never forget how confused I was when the vet handed him back to me.
All of this is hitting me within DAYS of each other. ughh sometimes I joke about God having a sense of humor... well right now, this isn't funny God. There's only so much one can handle when trying to adjust to a new life.
ughhhhhh so much shit going on right now. I hate it.
Until next time...