As many of you may know, I joined the world of online dating earlier this year. Specifically
eHarmony because there was a sale and I am too curious to pass it up. You can read my posts from the beginning of my adventure starting
here.
So I've gone on a grand total of thirteen dates with five different guys since joining eHarm in January. All but one made it past my rule of giving every guy at least two dates to get over the "
first dates are so awkward" feeling. Throughout my dates, I've been keeping a mental list of what one should and shouldn't do as a member of eHarmony.
Noelle's Proposed Rules of Online Dating
As of 5/4/2011 - subject to change without notice
Rule number one: Give accurate information on your profile. If you put that you're 5'10 and you're realllly 5'7, don't feel weird when I show up in heals and give you a disappointed look. If you would have put that you were 5'7, I would have worn smaller heals or flats. Your bad.
Rule number two: If you haven't done something before, don't put it as your "interests". If you put on your interests and hobbies section that you like to camp and go wine tasting, expect me to ask about that because those are two things I enjoy. When you say you haven't done it, don't be shocked when I give you a quizzical look because I'm trying to think what else may or may not be true. For example: 32 year old mechanical engineer (again, saving them by not sharing their names) put on his profile that he quote LOVED to camp and wine taste. Well when I asked him about that being that those are two thing I love as well... he was like "oh I haven't done it yet..." Then how do you quote LOVE them? He even went to Cal Poly SLO... how do you NOT wine taste up there? Stupid...
Rule number three: Don't try to kiss a girl in a parking lot or parking garage. If you really like a girl
(or if you just want some) one, don't try to kiss a type A girl like me any earlier than the third date. Didn't you learn anything from
The Music Man? Two, don't under any circumstances try and kiss a girl for the first time in a parking garage or parking lot at her car... anyone else with me on how
AWKWARD that is? It's not my fault if a guy thought I wasn't into him if I didn't smooch next to my car. Buddy it's your job to make me want to kiss you and if we're in public by my car... not ever gonna feel it. Sorry.
Rule number four: No sneak attack kisses. Make sure the girl knows it's coming when you go in for the kill. How do you know? I can't explain it, but you'll know. Trust me. For example don't do what happened to me on date four (only one to make it to four dates). I was turning to get in my car after an awkwardly long hug when I heard "Noelle...?" "ye..." kapow! Kiss! Horribly awkward for me to be accosted by a guy I was already "over" and to make matters worse..... it was in a parking garage (see rule three).
Rule number five: No mouth breathing when you do get to kiss her. I feel like this goes without saying, but apparently it needs to be said. I don't think it needs much explanation. Isn't this something they tell the guys in health class when they split the girls and guys up? True story: Not only was a sneak attack kissed, in a parking garage, it was with a mouth breather... tragic. Just tragic.
Rule number six: Please at least resemble your photos. Not like looks are everything, but physical attraction is something to be mindful of. Please don't put a photo up from 5 years and 50 pounds ago.
Rule number seven: If you go out on a date during dinner time, feed the girl. That seems like a no brainer, but apparently
it isn't. Please don't wait for the girl to tell you she's hungry or wants to eat something. She probably won't until you suggest it, so suggest it. Please and thank you. If you do, you might avoid having
a mean/sarcastic blog written about you.
Rule number eight: Make sure your place is tidy if there's even a CHANCE she could come over. If you typically live a little cluttered or messy, that's fine, HOWEVER if you think there's even a CHANCE that you'll bring her back to your place even if it's just for a minute or two, make sure your place is tidied up a bit. Think of places she'll go... bathroom, kitchen, living room and shove all your clutter and shit into a room or area there's not a chance she'll go. I'm not the cleanest or tidiest person in the world, but when I see
this in your bathroom, you better believe I take a photo and show all my friends as we die laughing about how many skin products, sunscreens and colognes you have.
Rule number nine: The "three day rule" is soo out. Ever heard of "out of sight, out of mind?" In the age of go-go-go, don't risk waiting more than 24 hours to follow up on a date if you enjoyed your time. Going out on a Friday and
waiting until Wednesday to text me about it will result in a "
forget you" mindset.
Rule number ten: If you want to continue hanging out once dinner is over, suggest a change in venue. Please don't make me sit at a dinner/lunch table after the meal is well done and over. I have horrible ADD and it's super rude to take up a table for a server as we nurse our
WATER for another hour. Suggest a change in venue like coffee or drinks and if I say "nah it's late" or "sure, let's go" that will give you a very quick and easy judge in 'how the night is going'.
2.5 hours for sushi in a popular Old Town location... not cool.
While I know there are probably many more rules I could come up with (and probably will), those are it for now.
My current eHarm status is "too picky and still looking". I just closed a ton of "potential mates" but everyday get more in my email so only time will tell. If something happens, you better believe I'll be blogging about it.
Until next time...
